Trumpservations

1) It’s not just that Donald Trump talks and behaves like a bully. He talks and behaves like a juvenile bully. I’m not sure I’ve seen anything like it since Tappan Intermediate School in Ann Arbor. (My favorite alma mater, by the way.) Consider two recent statements.

“The judge, who happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great — I think that’s fine …”

Trump is talking about the judge in the Trump University case — who was born in Indiana and went to IU for both undergrad and law school. But whatever.

Statement No. 2 — which is about William Weld: “I don’t talk about his alcoholism …”

That’s how juveniles talk, right? “… who happens to be, we believe, Mexican, which is great …” “I don’t talk about his alcoholism …” If you’re going to be an ass, at least be an ass who’s a man. If you’re going to call a judge a Mexican, call him a Mexican. If you’re going to call Weld an alkie, call him an alkie.

Trumpites say that their man “tells it like it is.” Seems to me he’s more like a big, bullying, juvenile weasel.

2) A delightful read of the season is Ian Tuttle’s report on the Libertarian convention. These people are a lot of fun — a freak-like show, part of the pageant of America. But you don’t elect them to office. You don’t put them in the White House. You don’t hand them the nuclear codes. You just enjoy the show, you know?

The Republicans want to put the show in the White House. Reality TV is a lot different from reality — from a nuclearizing Iran, for example. The tabloid culture, the Kardashian culture, has its place. But Republicans, astonishingly, think its place is in the White House.

3) One thing I hear from Trump apologists — Trump normalizers — is, “Oh, they’ll put people around him, and they’ll coach him, and mold him, and keep him on a leash. It’ll be okay.”

My question is, Aren’t Trump folk insulted by this? The man is 70 years old, and he is going to have one of the two major-party nominations. He is going to be remade? Coached into something acceptable?

Anyway, let Donald be Donald! Respectability is a betrayal. In fact, if he does not do his handicapped-person imitation at the convention, I think Republicans should ask for their money back.

Don’t “grow,” Mr. T.!

4) I got an e-mail today from Cara Mason, the finance director of the Republican National Committee. I subsequently Googled her name — and first saw, “Cara Mason is a main character in the second season of Legend of the Seeker. Cara[,] as portrayed by Tabrett Bethell[,] is of medium [height?], with blonde hair, and is often described as beautiful by other characters.” Not my Cara Mason.

My Cara Mason was asking for money, and RIGHT NOW. “Please, Friend, make an urgent contribution right away.” Because we have to “STOP HILLARY.” “STOP HILLARY.” It went on in this vein: “STOP HILLARY.”

You know what words did not appear in this frantic missive? “Donald.” Or “J.” Or “Trump.”

I don’t blame you, Cara. You’ve got a big orange mess to sell. But you’re asking that he be elected president. You can’t spook me with Miz Hillary. The H-bomb. You’ve got to do a little better.

I’ll acknowledge, though, that your candidate is more talented in some respects. Hillary’s black-church accent is okay. But I hear her handicapped-person imitation is weak. And if a president can’t do a good handicapped person, this country will never be great again. Or strong. Strong like bull. Strong like BS.

P.S. I don’t know where Hillary stands on the Kennedy assassination. But if she denies that Ted’s dad was involved, she is a loser, and not worthy of the many thousands of dollars that Mr. Trump has donated to her over the years.